Long Time Coming

Keeping up a blog is more difficult than I thought while teaching. Sorry y'all.

Finished Institute in Chicago at the end of July. I loved my Institute experience. I made some great strides with planning and execution. I had fantastic conversations with parents and families. One time I actually felt a little disingenuous - a grandmother that I called was basically asking my advice about switching her granddaughter back into CPS and thought she just might because I had called her, and no one from the charter school her granddaughter currently attended had ever called home. I just hope that whatever she decided, Monesha is learning and reaching her goal of becoming a pediatric nurse.

Here are a few more reflections from the summer and earlier this school year:

Thurs. June 25th, 2009

Yesterday, we had our first corps members (not from ENC, but from other corps here training in Chicago) quit and leave institute. I can’t imagine doing it, but I can understand on some level. It has been a very long time since I felt this unskilled and unprepared.

I have never been this tired - and that includes all those all-nighters at Coe. I feel this is on some level due to the heat; like most midwest schools, CPS doesn’t have A/C in most areas of their buildings and we’ve had heat indices over 90 degrees all week. It seems like each person I talk with is experiencing at least some of the symptoms of moderate dehydration (dizzy, swollen ankles and feet, tired, headaches). Collaborative planning sessions sometimes get snippy, but I think everyone is working to make the best of it. And we definitely know what our students are going through - trying to learn in that sweltering environment. That being said we also know it can be done. I have learned so much this week.

My first lesson plans were due today. I’m not sure how I feel about the second one (comparing European and Japanese feudalism), but the first one (on Charlemagne) is pretty solid and I have a much better idea of what to say for that lesson. I think the second one will be more interesting, simply because the activities are more varied, but I did not evaluate the lesson as much as I should have. I’m expecting my CMA to tear that one apart.

Despite the heat, I actually get a lot of work done at school and less done in my air-conditioned room. Part of it is my desk at home is a mess, always, and our classroom is neat, if uncomfortable. There are also not distractions, like blogging.

Working out a classroom management plan with my teaching collaborative group (collab) has been more frustrating than I would have expected. We don’t have the problem of disparate visions, but instead we are finding ourselves getting stuck between wanting to practice setting up a full plan, but also realizing we are entering into a school system already in progress and that our students are going to almost entirely change over in two weeks. Thinking about it now, on my own, away from the school, I feel TFA would want me to just plan and implement as though it were the first day of this class, so I think that is what I will suggest we do, but I do feel a little bad for the kids, who will then be asked to re-learn their classroom management rules, policies and procedures. This would be so much easier if it were two weeks later and we just did the whole second “semester” instead of half of each semester. Oh well. We’ll make it work. That is one thing I think I will be very good at once institute is over - taking what I am given and running with it, no matter what. I’ve heard myself say “we’ll make it work” a lot recently.

Jill’s wedding this weekend. I’m feeling wicked guilty for skipping out on my collab’s last day of in-school prep before we go into the classroom.

I should get back to figuring out how to teach about the effect of the crusades.

Teacher moment: This is the cornerstone of my collab’s management plan:

“What we need to learn

W-ork relentlessly

O-wn your actions

R-espect our classroom

L-earn from every opportunity

D-ecide to succeed

History”

It will look better color coded on a poster in my classroom, I’m sure.

Sunday, June 28th, 2009

I had a fabulous weekend in Waterloo and other points around IA this weekend. Went to a wedding, saw a large part of my sorority family and other friends, had lunch with boy I like, bought new jeans for cheap and an fm transmitter for my iPod in the car - no more headphones while driving!!

Then I got back to Chicago and Institute smacked me in the face. Sounds about right.

Got my first three lesson plans back and I need to change most of them. The first one (which I thought was decent, and I spent the most time on) is the WORST. Basically everything is wrong. I knew some things (like my use of the word “bastion”) were going to be problematic (not student friendly) but other things I think are silly. Why can’t I use fill-in-the-blank questions on my assessments? Yeah, they take more time to grade, but it’s one of the few ways I don’t feel like I’m feeding my students the answers. If everything is multiple choice, how will I actually know (based on a three to five question quiz) that my students understand? My quizzes were harder in middle school than the ones my CMA want’s me to write for my 11th and 12th graders. I’m trying to figure out how much of this I need to really internalize and how much is just advice. And then even if it is just advice, am I committed to making my own mistakes. Outside of the assessments, I think I’ve gotten really constructive/helpful and necessary feedback though. The line between meeting our achievement goal and challenging my students is bothering me though. I feel like I would be teaching summer school at my old high school very differently than I am here - as in it’s a lot easier here than at my private school. And that is NOT okay. It’s actually antithetical to the reason why TFA exists and why I’m here. So I need to find what is causing this disconnect and fix it - fast. Time to write my transition team leaders (TTLs, back in ENC - 2008 corps members who are helping to support us as we move and start teaching) and vent and brainstorm I think.

Transitioning is hard work. I do not envy the other women (and men I suppose, I just don’t see them as often) here who are trying to work out moving and distance and such with significant others. I came back today and saw three of my friends from ENC living on my floor teary-eyed or angry because of boyfriends. No fun. Not only do I not envy them those life-chats, I also can’t imagine trying to find time to talk to someone for hours each day. It’s hard enough to write someone an email, journal or workout, and lesson plan on our schedule. I don’t really want to have to find time for an hour or two on the phone each night too. Although if I could, I suppose I would have time to write more. Or read. Or just keep lesson planning, since I apparently need the work.

Accomplishments this weekend: Left town with everything ready to come home to (minus laundry), so I wasn’t totally stressed out on the drive or when I got here. Also I didn’t get lost AT ALL this weekend. That was a pretty huge accomplishment.

Things I hope to get better at: (other than lesson planning) STAYING POSITIVE. I like to complain about a lot of things, especially when I first get home, but things are definitely not all bad: my CMA is helpful; I get along with my collab; I don’t have to leave for school at 6:40; my school site team is fab (when they’re not being mildly clueless, which is to be expected since it’s the first year here). Things are good. Keep smiling.

Sunday July 19th, 2009

Institute has been quite the roller coaster. Some days I come home on top of the world and others I’m ready to punch people, scream, or quit.

I don't remember the impetus for this last thought. Probably had something to do with lesson plans or fighting with my collab. Team teaching was an interesting experience. Some days it was a great experience, other days we couldn't agree on anything, undermined others' dicipline. Having my own classroom is lovely. Decorating is so much fun.

Crests and Valleys, Biking, Excitement

Saturday, June 13th, 2009

All month I had been waiting for the weight of my move to hit me. I thought perhaps I got lucky and the only stress I was going to feel was while packing - concerned that I didn’t have the right amount of business attire for teaching this summer. I should have realized this was me we’re talking about - rearranging furniture is about the only change I handle well; moving across the country was not going to go smoothly.

Then came Maryland: Mountain crests = emotional crests - each higher and more dramatic than the last; each downward slope not only was an exciting sight, or a falling lurch in my stomach but a horrible twist as I felt each hill further separating me from my home and the people I love. It is one thing to leave for a semester with a set and terminable amount of time until I return home and am reunited with familiar places and people. It is something completely different to drive away when I have no sense or guarantee of when I will next see those I leave behind.

There is also a feeling of unease or a sense of danger driving through twists and hills for someone so firmly rooted in the flatlands of the midwest. I can never see very far in front of me because the road will wend around a turn or over a crest, and lets be honest, a mountain makes a better door than window. I also often find myself separated from the sister highway traveling back the other direction, adding to the sense of permanence and isolation.

And driving habits are different on mountainsides. I learned to prize myself on my ability to regulate my speed, either through use of cruise control or listening to my vehicle or observing the gage. In my neck of the woods we hate adjusting the cruise or being stuck on the same stretch of highway with someone who can’t decide what speed they are going to drive. When you are forever going up hills and down troughs though, regulating speed kind of goes out the window, apparently. You shoot for the speed limit on the straightaways and are a little below on the uphills, and a little above on the downhills. I have never had so much difficulty with other drivers and deciding where to place myself around them as I did today.

All this amounted to crying through the first hundred miles of Maryland and gripping the wheel white-knuckled and clench-shouldered the rest of the drive.

What the universe reminded me today: Other than needing to occasionally deal with sh** days, always remember to eat. I was so busy being stressed out, that I forgot to eat lunch, which only compounded an already bad situation.

What I am thankful for: Having a friend in my life who will answer her phone, remind me to breathe, deal with my (loving) verbal abuse (read teasing), and keep talking to me until my hands stop shaking and I am able to laugh; and my family being large and spread across the country so at least I’m always heading for someplace familiar and loving at the end of the day.

Sunday, June 14th, 2009

I am currently exhausted. My uncle decided that just chilling at home today was not okay, so we went biking around the capital. Sometimes I should probably say no to things, rather than just avoid making waves. In all honesty, though, I feel fabulous. Sore, but fabulous. Check with me tomorrow.

Along with biking around the Mall, I did a lot of writing today. Wrote an essay. Wrote a letter. Took two showers. Tried a new beer. Ate the biggest bowl of ice cream I’ve eaten in years. Stuff like that.

I want a huge dog. A dog-bear, like my family has here. Corky is fantastic.

What I hope to replicate: My aunt and uncle are in AMAZING shape. Uncle runs with the dog, four miles, every morning. Neither of them looks their age. I want to do that. I need to start working on it. Sometimes I feel like my body is already 30 or 40 and that makes me really, really sad.

OMG!!!! Tomorrow I join my corps!!!

Driving in the rain, dreaming and prepwork

Thursday, June 11th, 2009

Today it rained the whole day. And it poured to the point of white-outs most of the way through Ohio. But interspersed throughout the day were moments of dominant beauty - watching clouds billow along the Indiana skyline, snippets of sun-streaked clouds between downpours, wearing my sunglasses for over six hours, despite the rain.

What the universe reminded me today: Two things - 1. Always be grateful for what you have. Don’t complain about being parked on the freeway. At least parked there you are not one of the five vehicles involved in the accident further up the roadway. - 2. All things in moderation. Taste the salad before you dump on three extra scoops of dressing, or add the extra one scoop at a time.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Last night I dreamed I was staying in/moving into an apartment habited by the strangest assortment of friends and acquaintances from high school and college. Then I woke fully and realized there were six people running around the apartment, yelling, talking and completely ignoring the fact I was sleeping on the couch (not to mention three other roommates were fast asleep in their not soundproof rooms). The fourth roommate had finally appeared with her family and fiancee for final preparations before attending master’s graduation this morning. While disorienting, it did explain why one past acquaintance had appeared in my dream - he kind of looks and sounds like the fiancee. Doppelgangers - Story of my stay at OSU. I’ve encountered at least three. I’m sure if you see them side-by-side they are not actually doppelgangers, but right now - separated - they’re decent matches.

I spent much of this tired and dreary day working on TFA prep. At this point in my pre-reading I have moved on from the importance of setting big goals to following through on big goals; from recognizing the role(s) of diversity in the work I will soon be doing to concrete ways to counteract negative messages and stereotypes my students will be inundated with daily. I’m still nervous about having conversations about race with my students, but I feel that I have more tools in my arsenal to utilize when having these conversations. I also further recognize the unique opportunity I have as a social studies/history teacher to help students develop a positive racial identity. In my discipline, more than (or at least to the same extent as) any other discipline, have racial minorities been left out. So much of the role played by African Americans, Native Americans, Mexican Americans, and others has been left out of history curriculums. Study of ancient North American societies does not occur. Study of current Native societies doesn’t occur, for that matter. Not only were Africans enslaved during the colonial era, they are still enslaved by modern history curriculums - in the sense that we hardly ever teach students about the ways these men and women found ways to retake, regain and retain their agency. We only teach about how they were demeaned, not how they were strong. I have an exciting opportunity to teach my students - who will mostly be students of color - about the ways these minorities are strong and worked intelligently against their oppression all throughout U.S. history; about the movements within the dominant white community to respect and enfranchise minorities. Rather than only having George Washington and John Hancock and Benjamin Franklin be the only heros of the American Revolution, I have an opportunity to show my students that the heros of the Revolution, or the Civil War, the Abolitionist Movement, of westward expansion also looked like them. Wow.

I need books. Lots of them. I know nothing about most of the things I will need to teach, and I’m sure not gonna find them in the textbook. I’m looking for the George Washington Carvers, Cesar Chavezes, Alice Pauls, (Insert Chief or LC guide here)s, Sojourner Truths, (Asian??) of every time period. I will learn about my students and not only will I tailor to their interests, but I will fine-tune to their heritage as well. They will see themselves in American History, or the U.S. Government. It’s gonna happen.

While not reading, I hung out with J and her friends here. I really like some of them and wish I could stay here with them, rather than move on to more new people. J’s friend across the hall, A., and her boyfriend, B., threw J. and another friend, also J., a going away party since they leave tomorrow for a trip to Botswana. Cook-out = awesome. People should grill more often in my life.

I also spent a fair amount of time with one of J.’s roommates, S., from Jamaica. S. is studying chemical engineering and tests next week to gain acceptance to the Ph.D. program here. We studied and watched CNN together. Being from Jamaica, S. didn’t really understand all the hoopla surrounding Obama’s healthcare plan, which was the big topic on CNN over the lunch hour. She had me explain public vs. private healthcare and insurance, and described her hellish day trying to get medical attention at the clinic on campus - “So much paperwork! Jesus! I’m vomiting, just let me see the doctor!” - as an example of what is wrong with healthcare in the U.S. When I asked her to reciprocate and tell me about healthcare in Jamaica she said it wasn’t much better, but you can at least see the doctor without filling out hours of paperwork when you need to.

What I hope to replicate: J. managed to find a (somewhat) affordable apartment that came fully furnished, and with a workout room, patio, grill, pool, and lounge. It’s a pretty sweet deal.

What I never want to hear myself say: B. (the boyfriend) and a few of the other grad students mentioned that they are BSing their way through grad school. I would be so thrilled to never hear that phrase come out of my mouth ever again.

Ms. Calluna takes on teaching

Tues. June 9th 2009

I've been getting many requests to continue my blog, even though I am no longer in Asia and (soon) will no longer be ambulating about the countryside. Because of these two drastic changes, I initially wasn't going to continue this blog after returning to the states, but to be honest I miss it and apparently some other people do too. And for the next couple of months, I'm still not tied down to any one place, even though I am working towards a more specific end than "experiencing Southeast Asia."

Back in January, during my first days in Chiang Mai, I was accepted into the U.S.'s Teach for America program. This program is a branch of Americorps, which many people call "the stateside Peace Corps. While Americorps is a one-year renewable experience working with a wide variety of non-profit and volunteer organizations, Teach for America is a two-year committment for corps members, all of whom are recent college graduates who agree to teach in an underperforming and underserved school district. Corps member teachers' larger purpose is to combat the educational achievement gap that exists in the United States. Each year, we engage in "big goal setting" with our students and their families. Most of our students are performing below (some very below) grade level proficiencies in math, reading and other content knowledge areas. This is a HUGE problem since a solid education is vital to college admissions, job prospects, and other aspects of a person's life. Lacking basic literacy skills drastically circumscribes an individual's opportunities and options.

The children I will teach are bright, creative, vibrant individuals. Due to where they live however, the educational system has failed them. Some will probably believe they are stupid and cannot succeed in school. This is not true, and it will be my (and my fellow corps members') job to help them unlearn this personal belief and help them prove to themselves and others, through making great educational strides during the year, that they are the brilliant individuals I know them to be.

I'm so stoked.

And scared pantsless.

So, tomorrow, I depart my beloved home state - Land of 10,000 Lakes - and head for the Atlantic Coast - Tar Heel territory to be exact. I'm taking some time to visit friends and family as I drive out and I will do my best to find breaks in training to write updates on what I'm doing to prepare for the fall and provide reflections on my experience as a new teacher, in a new region of the country.

Wed. June 10th 2009

Today I said final goodbyes to family and set out for Madison, WI - the first stop on my journey east. Wisconsin was uneventful. I did make the same mistake that I made traveling to the Dells two summers ago, though. See, you take I-94 out of the twin cities and it counts up from zero at the border. I needed to take exit 92. All of a sudden, I hit exit 98, and I’m kicking myself for missing the exit. So, I get at exit 102 and turn around. While doing so, I’m marveling at how quickly the state went by. But then I realize I am much further from Madison than I should be... And all the advertisement distances do not add up to mile 92. Hmm... Flipping backwards through the AAA Trip-Tik confirms my suspicions - Yes, I need to take I-90’s exit 92, not I-94. Never do directions mention that the two meet and when they do, the mile markers transfer to I-90 rather than 94. Since you do nothing to get on 90, and it is technically still 94, both Google (two years ago) and AAA (today) told me to follow I-94 to exit 92. Thanks guys. Very helpful. This particular exit/problem has now cost me almost an hour of my life.

In Madison, I’m staying with two friends, sorority sisters. They have what amounts to a starter home as an apartment - 3 bedroom, 2 bath condo. And they’ve been complaining about rent. Really? I suppose it probably seemed cheaper and more worth the money when they first leased it two years ago, when the economy was strong, versus today, when everything is expensive. I will be lucky to call such a nice apartment home.

The three of us and a boyfriend went out to eat with another sister and her fiancee at a place called Cheeseburger in Paradise. We (after much pointless head-scratching) decided to go there because of the sweet potato chips that you can get as a side. Duh-licious. Good call M!

Over dinner and throughout the night we talked about the work each is doing now, either two or three years out from undergrad. All three were science majors in college - a path I nearly pursued. One is in her second year of graduate school, after first doing a year-long internship at the National Institutes of Health. In grad school she’s studying the meningitis bacteria (which is apparently closely related to the gonorrhea bacteria - the main interest of her lab’s research), and even though finals are over, she still has a huge project due in a few weeks. K. said it’s their last chance to kick her out of grad school, so it’s kind of a big deal and involves writing a grant proposal and defending the project to a five-person faculty committee. I told her it sounds kind of like the undergrad theses students do at our school, but a much bigger deal. And mandatory.

M runs experiments (or protocols) for a pharmaceutical company. She’s been able to advance very quickly (from a “1” to a “3” in half the time as her boss and former trainer) and loves the work she’s doing. And, really, who wouldn’t love to get paid for spending time with chimps? I think it was M who also at one point had been doing some work related to the herpes virus... or maybe she just said she had an enlarged and stuffed facsimile of “the herp.” (K. has one of gonorrhea - and she gave them to family members at christmas. Sorry you’re missing out fam.)

S. is also in the pharmaceutical field, but not with a drug company. Instead she is working to reproduce human tissues for testing. Apparently you can manufacture stem cells from skin cells, and then use those stem cells to make other cells. It’s a wickedly difficult process and her team is working to find the happy medium between number of cells produced and the number that actually function as the type of cell (heart, skin, kidney, etc) that they’re supposed to be (growth-purity ratio). It’s a lot of running the procedure over and over and trying to be more exact with cell feedings and other lab techniques each time to have more functional cells. The goal is for drug manufacturers to be able to better test for and neutralize some of the unwanted effects of medications (such as - and I’m making this example up - a drug to cure acid reflux somehow damaging the heart muscle over time... something like that - keeping side effects from happening).

Back at the apartment we watched Transformers and played with the dog, Benny. He (the dog) really didn’t take to me. Every time I moved to a new part of the house he seemed to forget who I was and that he had already met me and been told I was safe. Essentially, this amounted to a lot of barking, which is no big deal, but it really flustered M, who had never seen him act like this before.

What I learned about the real world: The hours suck. There isn’t as much down time as you think you’ll have when you are slugging through all-nighters in college. It’s early mornings and working weekends and holidays. Yes, your evenings may be more free, but be prepared to have your only desire to be sitting on the couch or crawling into your bed. And I’ll still have to grade. Woo hoo.

What I’m resolving to do differently: I’m resolving two things - 1. Live within my means, starting with a cheap (read small?) apartment. I don’t want to be unable to save or have a night out once in a while because my rent is too high. - 2. Schedule fun nights. This is like scheduling “me” time, but with friends. I don’t want to find myself living in the same town as friends and never seeing them. It would drive me crazy. Even if it’s pizza and wine at someone’s apartment, or with my roommate and their significant other - one night a month, I’m spending with friends not working, having fun.

"Guys! Guys! Everyone's WHITE!!"

 - us, going through passport control in Chicago. 

Shortly after this was chorused, we realized everyone also spoke English and thus we sounded like horrible, horrible people - particularly Ian, who added "I LOVE white people!" to the end of his wonderings. 

I'm back in Cedar Rapids at this point, am almost over jet-lag, and am generally adjusting just fine to being back in the states.  It really is wonderful to see all of my sorority sisters and other friends around campus.  It is still strange and novel to wander around a college campus instead of a city block; to smell fresh air, with a hint of various blossoms, rather than tropical heat and car exhaust.  I'm always cold, which is very strange to this Minnesota girl.  Makes North Carolina a more welcome idea in my life.  :) I actually had to borrow a pair of flats from a friend here to keep my toes from freezing off. 

Some culture-shock-ish moments to report:

1. My second or third night back in the states, I went with a friend to the store.  I didn't break down while pondering carbohydrates, as I was warned I might.  Rather I was confused as to why all the swimsuits were so numerous.  After all that season was over, most of the suits should be sold already; soon it would be too cold to swim.  Then I remembered that although, that was how the seasons felt to me, it is indeed the start of summer here, not the end of it. Whitney and I had a good laugh about that thought process, when I shared it.

2. My phone fascinates me. I LOVE sending text messages and calling people.  Friday evening I just sat and stared at it for a while, trying to think of people to message or call. Text messages don't always come out right the first time around though.  Gonna need to redevelop some of that muscle memory. 

3. I am getting over this, but for the first week or so being back, I had a very low "people quota" meaning, I could only deal with seeing so many people per day.  I want to say last Thursday, I had lunch and coffee with two people and that was about all the socializing I could deal with.  I knew that I should go see other friends, but I just couldn't, so I spent the evening as a hermit with one or two other people I was staying with, watching movies.  This is so so weird for me.  I normally love people and being around others. It's kind of a bummer I was a hermit during the week before finals and now want to socialize when everyone has tests. Oh well. Only two more days of tests, and then it's all social until graduation.  

Countdowns:

5 days until I see my family!

6 days until graduation

8 days until I officially have a place to live...

49 days until Teach for America

“I want one of those, and one of those, and that!”

- Ajaan Bob’s imagining of Rama IV

On Sunday, Bob took me to a Royal Palace and the city and ruins of Ayutthaya.  This was possibly the most memorable day trip of the lot.  We started by taking the Bangkok subway, which uses these really cool one-trip token things.  They're plastic and have a computer chip inside that records where you are going and how much you paid and controls the gate that lets you in and out of the subway.  The tokens probably are not actually that interesting, but I thought they were cool. We rode the subway to the train station (sa-ta-nee rot fai), where we got 12 baht, 3rd class tickets to the palace.  

3rd class train is quite the experience, let me tell you. It’s basically open-air, because all of the windows were open before we left the station. Each set of benches is slightly smaller than a car’s backseat, but most of the time you cram three people onto them anyway.  I sat next to a mother with two kids, one about 4 the other not yet walking. Vendors push around all the bodies in the seats and in the isles, hawking everything from rice, juice, water to nylon hammocks.  Two of the men sitting by Bob, across the isle from me, bought four or five hammocks from the vendor.  They thought it was the sweetest deal ever.  The mother sharing my seat bought her four-year-old some rice.  And she promptly got train-sick while eating it. As the train began to fill, people ran out of seats and began crowing in the isles.  This did not deter the vendors traveling up and down the train. One man standing near me had a fish the size of someone’s face in a bag of water, as though it were a goldfish he were taking home from the petstore. When we were a station away from our stop Bob and I got up and made our way to the door of the car. This was necessary because none of the station stops were very long. I ended up standing in the space between two cars, watching the ground fly past below, thinking it wasn’t so different from riding the accordion of a two-car bus. 

The palace we went to see is located in the country about a two-hour train ride from Bangkok. It was built by Ramas IV and V in the late 1800s and early 1900s.  The idea behind the palace was to build one of everything that Rama IV saw on a European tour.  No joke.  They had a French palace, and English manor, a Chinese palace, gothic cathedral turned buddhist wat, among other buildings and parks. It was crazy.  All of the buildings had very vibrant colors as well - the french house was yellow, the english one was purple, chinese red, observatory yellow and red stripes... very interesting and rather strange to see them all crammed into the same place instead of hundreds of miles apart. 

Once we had exhausted the palace, Bob and I took a boat up the river (the traditional means of travel around Thailand, especially around Bangkok) to Ayutthaya.  

After the kingdom of Sukkhothai fell out of power, the kindom of Ayutthaya became dominant in Siam.  The capital city once held at least one million people and was a great center of trade between India, Europe, China and the rest of Southeast Asia. In 1776 it was ransacked and destroyed by the Burmese, who came in, burned everything they could, stole and melted all the Buddha images, and killed as many as they could - including monks.  This is especially strange to me, since the Burmese are Theravada Buddhists, as are the Thais/Siamese.  Seems you might kill different kinds of Buddhists, but your own sect?  I don't know. 

This destruction had a different result than the destruction of Sukkhothai.  Sukkhothai was destroyed and then left as ruins.  Other cities became important, diminishing new construction, so the ruins in Sukkhothai are all that is left in Sukkhothai.  Ayutthaya on the other hand, has been rebuilt around the ruins.  You have to drive thru a growing urban center to get from one ruined wat or palace to another.  Also, some of the ruined temples have rebuilt active wats inside them.  I'm not certain how I feel about this difference or exactly how it affected my experience viewing the ruins.  I didn't always feel that the ruins were as impressive as at Angkor or Sukkhothai, but at the same time, it was really interesting to see a ruined jedi at one end of a soccerfield, or a gleaming new white wat situated in the center of a walled-in group of ruins.

"I AM your father!"

 - Darth Vader, to Luke.

Random? Not at all!  

Tonight Jena and I decided that the Bangkok airport looks oddly reminiscent of Star Wars.  Particularly the walkway between plane and gate.  That looks EXACTLY like the walkway where Luke meets Vader after leaving the Ewok village. 

Yeah. Weird.

And... The entry way (exit way?) of the airport looks like the medical ship where Luke gets his metal hand. It was trippy. 

Here in BKK we're staying at the Christian Guesthouse. I am surrounded by so much Jesus right now.  More than any other time this semester.  It's also a little weird.  Where did Buddha go? 

The most ironic thing about the guesthouse is it's location - right next to one of the largest red-light districts in Bangkok.  Prime real estate here. If everyone were not leaving for the beach at 8:30 tomorrow morning I'm fairly certain we would be out exploring.  

Countdowns:

1 day til I take the Praxis

2 days til Bob and I go to Ayuthaya

4 days til the longest day ever (aka we fly home)

16 days til graduation

"But, uh, it's like ten in the morning Acomb."

"Yeah, but I already finished my beer. It's whiskey time!"

- one of us, and one of our Thai profs, during a northern thai Songkran festival at CMU.

This confirms, if nothing else does, that Flunk Day does exist in the real world. You just have to live in Northern Thailand. 

I knew 19 of 23 letters I was told to write today.  And I was really close on a couple of others.  I just can't tell the difference between the way Ajaan Acomb says "f" and "p".  Oops. Or the difference between "tong" and "toong" when said by natives. 

Also found out today that one of our language profs was let out of the hospital the other day.  Yay Ajaan Jang!  Very glad she's well and back to good health. 

It's been a productive past few days, with all three "chapters" of my independent study started, and my final reflection for HR class half done.  I think.  I may need to start over. I think it works, but I need a second pair of eyes. The internet in Chiang Mai has been in and out, though which is ANNOYING!!  The internet cafe has been sans internet since they reopened post songkran.  So sad. Emily and I are sitting at a cafe down the block with the cheapest menu items possible so we can use their wifi.  I wish they sold wifi cards at 7-eleven like they sell water and phone cards (public wifi exsists - I can see it, I just don't know how to log in!).  

We have a week left in Thailand.  Each day I go out to do something I think about those things that are going to be so different very soon.  For example, right now I'm sitting in a full cafe and I can hear my keys click over the sound of all the other customers talking, over the kitchen, the wait staff, the music.  That would never happen back home - we talk too loud.  I would still be aware of the keys clicking, but thru my fingers rather than my ears.  

I will soon have to wait for crosswalks in order to cross the street, because traffic will more likely run me over than stop (unlike Thailand and the opposite of Vietnam, where you just have to go, because otherwise they DON'T stop).  I'll have to drive again.  And not drive the way Khun Ahn (our Thai song-taow driver) or the VN taxis drove.  That might, maybe work in Chi-town... but no where else in the states. :) And when I get home, I won't be going back to college (or at least not for long), or the midwest... I'm moving and teaching and stuff.  Old balls (yeah Liz, me too now). Wow.  

Either way, I'm almost more concerned about culture shock coming home than I was going abroad.  Weird, right?  Who does that? Other than crazy old me... Either way, it's a back-of-the-mind kind of thing right now.  More worried about finishing my papers and taking the praxis within the next seven days.  

See some of you soon!

Happy Water-Fighting!

Thai New Year has just ended. Called Songkran, this festival is unlike any other I have experienced. After the religious obligations have been fulfilled (if you are one of those wat-going Buddhists), the entire rest of the week is devoted to a country-wide water-fight. People camp out around the moat, outside their houses or stores, in the back of pickup trucks - anywhere really - with buckets, squirtguns, hoses, tubs and bags of water.  It's insane and so much fun, as long as you properly prepare - ie everything in plastic bags, no white clothes, etc. 

Unfortunately for me, I was sick with a stomach bug (as best as I can tell, some combo of traveller's diarrheah and/or giardia?) for almost all of Songkran. I never made it to the moat, which is where most of the action is.  I did however manage on the last two days to venture around Nimmanhaimin a little bit, which was nice.  I had a "cultural exchange" as Emily likes to call it, with a small boy who had to struggle between his wish to drench/bless everyone who passed his parents shop and his concern that he shouldn't splash the farang girl.  Since he was hesitating I turned around and smiled at him over my shoulder, which he correctly took to mean "Splash me already!" So he threw a bucket of water at my face.  *smile* It kinda made my day. 

Other than Songkran and getting well, my time back in Chiang Mai has been filled with work - independent study, human rights class, and a couple other papers to finish before graduation, studying for the Praxis tests (for my life post-asia), setting up teaching observations (also for life post-asia), and finishing those booklets for AIDSNet... oy. Emily and I have found time to go to the Night Bazaar and the Sunday Market, but no getting lost and having asian adventures. 

I hope to be posting pictures later this week, if I can afford internet.  I'll keep you posted. 

Fairytale, take three and a Return to Reality

The other big visit we made in Phnom Penh, before leaving for Angkor Wat, was the S-21 killing field, Choung Ek. This is what I had to say immediately after the experience:

At the entrance I am greeted with skulls in a twisted form of remembrance, pushing against traditional beliefs in order to make an overt statement. I want to pay respects and do my part to honor the dead, but can't bring myself to do so at this place designed for me, irrespective of the victims needs, beliefs, desires. Instead, my muted cries of agony and apology subconsciously are hurled out to the five directions.

On the right, the site is mapped; graves are marked by boxes, some of the worst given a number and description of who had been hatefully tossed inside. On the final panel the broken English declares that this holocaust was worse than The Holocaust. I wonder at how one can even claim to calculate the value of suffering. What categories are measured - body counts, how they died, what they endured beforehand? Is it better to know why you are being killed, or does ignorance make death more bearable?

Turn left and exhumed graves begin to appear. At first they are merely pits filled with rancid rain water. Then the scraps of clothing become more numerous and capture my eye. Remnants of a life destroyed before their time, left out to fray, thin, and someday rot. I am told the rain has hidden further gruesome memories of life unlived, masking fragments of bone in mud. I can't say I mind.

As butterfly couples float around my shoulders, the garment scraps give way to human scraps. My toe hits an ulna, my heel just misses canines and molars. Horrified, I wonder why they remain unceremoniously packed into the path rather than properly cared for - buried, cremated or even preserved, entombed in plexiglass.

Turn left again and the reverse of skulls is what I now see, signaling my tour is complete. Again I mourn their caging and can only wonder at what I have seen.


I don't really have more to say than that...


When we weren't visiting these sites, we were teaching english at a music school. The kids were so much fun to teach and be with. They taught me how to count and say hello and good bye in Khmer. I have never seen anyone smile as much as they did either. Always smiling.

Non-Sequiter

Okay. This has nothing to do with Asia, and everything to do with my life after Asia. But I'm kinda freaking out and need advice from older, wiser folk, or others who are also graduating and moving and such.

AAAHHHHH! (Whew... now that that's out...)

How does one find housing, when one moves to a new city? Or roomates? How does one live and pay rent and phone and internets, and food and stuff... with minimal income? Or make a deposit on said housing? In essence, how does one live in the real world?

I will be graduating upon my return from these Asian Ambulations, (which is getting a little too close for comfort!), and once that ordeal is over, I'll be joining Teach for America and moving to North Carolina. And Craigslist intimidated me earlier today. As did my pre-TFA planning checklists I was provided with... *whimper*

I never thought graduating would be scarier than traveling halfway around the world.

Fairytale, 2

So... The International Tribunal. Officially called the ECCC - Extraordinary Chambers in the Court of Cambodia, this court has been years in the making. The international community and many Cambodian citizens have been trying to arrest, charge, and try KR officials since the regime fell in 1979. The head honcho, Pol Pot, died before any legal action could be taken.

Initially the public was supposed to apply for passes/clearance to visit the court, so we went on Tuesday after we taught English over the lunch hour, with no expectation of actually getting in to the building or compound. As we arrived the trial chamber was going on a 20 or 30 minute break, and Ajaan John asked if we could go in when the court restarted - AND THEY SAID YES! We were so excited. And a mite uncomfortable, because we were dressed for Cambodian heat and bumming around... not actually sitting in the trial chamber. I definitely went to the ECCC in a peasant skirt and beater-style tank top... :/ Jenna had to borrow Catherine's scarf to get in, because they wouldn't allow in shorts. Maybe we should have dreamed a little bigger.

All embarrassment aside, this was an amazing experience. We were witnessing the first day of trial proceedings in the first case to make it all the way to trial at the ECCC. Whoa.

(Before each case actually makes it to trial, there is a pre-trial period where the judges, defense, prosecution, and civil party attorneys attempt to hash out all of the nitty gritty rules and procedures for the actual trial. Some things are the same as trial - the defense likes to question the detention of the accused in both chambers, and the civil party attorneys don't really get to do anything ever being two examples - but the pre-trial is where Cambodian and international law get smushed together and a procedure and rules are agreed upon, and trial is where things really get adversarial and guilt needs to be proven and sentences handed down. Of the five cases currently active at the ECCC, four are in the pre-trial stage and one - the one we saw - has proceeded to trial chambers.)

The case before the trial chamber currently is prosecuting Kaing Guek Eav, or Duch (pronounced Doy-ik, we think) the man who ran Tuol Sleng/S-21 Prison during the Khmer Rouge. On Tuesday we missed the first Prosecution and Defense opening statements (they each gave 2) and we just missed Duch addressing the court, coming in as the second Defense attorney gave his opening statement. After the opening statements finished, the trial for the day ended with discussion of some logistical problems that had crept up along with some civil party attorney discontent being expressed due to their lack of opening statement.

We decided to go back to take in a full day of court in small groups. I was drawn for the second day of Duch's trial on Wednesday. We arrived at the ECCC at about 8:45 on Wednesday morning excited to hear the outcome of some of the previous day's debates, since the Justices wanted the time to confer, and to see what would happen next. In summary, the Court denied the Civil Parties' request for opening statements and requested that the Defense put forth the challenges they had alluded to the day before in their first opening statement. At first they didn't want to and tried to write everything off as a misunderstanding, but when asked a second time, the attorneys finally spit out their request to have the court release Duch to house arrest, since he had been in jail for 10 years - 2 years without being charged with anything, 7.5 in the custody of the Cambodian Military, and the final 2.5 in the custody of the ECCC (the .5s are approximate). There is apparently a Cambodian statute that says people charged with crimes against humanity, war crimes or related charges cannot be held for longer than three years, that supplied the basis of the Defense's request. The Prosecution countered, but didn't really put forward overly convincing arguments (at least, not as convincing as the defense was, in my view). One of the Civil Party attorneys made the best argument for retaining custody of Duch. She said that the ECCC has until July before their three years of custody are up, so this is a non-issue that should maybe be discussed in July, if ever. She is one smart lawyer lady. And she had badass hair. The justices decided to break for lunch and conferencing.

After lunch, the Justices came back and said they were gonna take the weekend to discuss release, but that they had decided the next order of business should be to read into the court record the "agreed upon facts" from the indictment. Basically, what happened was the pre-trial chamber came up with this indictment, listing the crimes Duch committed. The Prosecution then broke the indictment down into individual pieces of factual evidence and submitted these to both the court and to the Defense. The Defense was then supposed to go through the facts and designate whether they "agreed" with a fact, "agreed in part", "disagreed" or "did not contest" the fact. The facts that are agreed to or not contested are then considered not up for debate or discussion during the trial; that part of the indictment is fact, true. The Justices, on the recommendation of the Civil Parties, decided that it would be best for everyone's understanding of the case and proceedings if the agreed or not contested facts be read aloud. In the first of three parts, there were some 240 agreed or not contested facts that the prosecutor read aloud in the trial chamber. They ranged from the location of S-21 and M-13 (another prison Duch ran for a time), to the number of prisoners held and killed at S-21, to the methods of torture and the genesis of torture training manuals (:Duch. He produced three volumes of torture techniques and rules of interrogation for the prison... oy). I started the reading trying to write down each fact. About 60 in I switched to writing numbers to keep track of the total and jotting down the facts I found particularly compelling. At 200, I quit writing all together and just marked tallies. I have a full page and a half or two pages of notes that are almost entirely number sequences. I felt a little dazed by the time we left the courtroom, especially when I remembered there were still 100 or so facts to be read from the second section of the indictment (the defense had chosen to not respond to the third part, since it spoke about Duch's character or personality or something, and they felt it resembled self-incrimination, so they didn't look at those facts).

The next day Nathan, Patricia and Catherine went to the court, while the rest of us bummed and taught English. Thursday was part of the pre-trial chamber proceedings for Ieng Sary, the foreign minister for the KR. The man who tricked the entire world to allowing them to hold and keep their UN seat while committing crimes against humanity, if not genocide, even after they had been forced from power. He makes my blood boil. On the docket for Thursday was an appeal put forward by the Defense, requesting that Ieng Sary be released from jail due to poor health, if not cancelling his trial completely, since he was suffering from "near fatal old age" or something like that. The appeal was (obviously) shot down, but according to N, P, and C, the whole lot of that court (minus perhaps the Prosecutor) made themselves look like a complete joke before the justices gave their decision. The attorney's arguing skills were apparently far below those of Duch's trial chamber. Sary also liked to make the justices angry by moving to sit with his attorneys, without permission, instead of his assigned place in the middle of the room, which is just a hilarious image in my head, especially since he's too feeble to "run across the border to Thailand" (a direct quote from the defense) due to the fact that he's suffering "terminal old age" (a summary of the defense). Ridiculous.

I need to peace out for the day, before I spend all of my baht on internet. Yeah, that's right! We're back in Thailand! Woo!

Oh - and here are some links if you are looking for more info on the ECCC and the trials:
ECCC Website
Phnom Penh Post - Enlish-language daily newspaper
and... Supposedly the Cambodia Daily has a website... somewhere on the web. But I can't find it. It's another English-language newspaper and I had lunch with three of their reporters on Wednesday.

"I don't care for your fairytale."

- Sara Barellis, "Fairytale"

I've been searching for the proper words to convey the Kingdom of Cambodia, its present and its past as Democratic Kampuchea, and mostly just failing at finding any that seem to successfully capture what I have witnessed here.

Our second or third day in Phnom Penh, we visited Tuol Sleng, formerly known as S-21, a Khmer Rouge prison. They estimate that up to 20,000 people came through Tuol Sleng between 1975 and 1979 and that no more than 14 are lived past the end of the KR's rule. (The lowest estimate of prisoners is the 12,000-some they have records for, and is the number being used in the international tribunal I will tell about later. The lowest estimate of those who survived: 7. Everyone else was killed.) Tuol Sleng is now a "genocide museum" and a crumbling one at that.

14 S-21 inmates, political prisoners, were killed as the KR left the facility just ahead of the Vietnamese army. When the Vietnamese arrived they found these 14 people dead in their cells in the A building of the prison. While these rooms have been cleaned, they have all of the items in them - bed, manacles, sometimes a broom or bed pan, that were there when the prison was vacated. Each of these 14 rooms also has a photo of the individual killed in the room - a photo of their corpse as it was found, and - if they could find it - a photo of the individual from when they entered Tuol Sleng or from before the KR takeover. They are now buried in the courtyard.

The second building - B - was filled with communal cells, similar to those we saw at the Hanoi Hilton. In these cells, prisoners are all shackled or manacled (or sometimes both) to the same pole in the middle of the room. They share sleeping space, bathroom space, dining space. Guards usually keep them from talking. Along with showing one or two of these communal cell rooms, this building also held huge displays of the photos taken of each prisoner when they entered S-21, and showed the chair they sat on for these pictures. It reminded me of the chair you sit in at the eye doctor's... except it held your neck in the correct place, rather than your forehead, and looked like a torture device. They also had paintings of the most common torture techniques used by the KR, and had some of the implements in various corners of the rooms. In one room there was also a display of skulls, bones and clothing recovered from the S-21 Killing Fields - Choung Ek, which I will again, tell more about later.

Building C had the individual cells. One sign told about living conditions in these cells. Prisoners were not able to talk to each other, leave their cells, have exercise or yard time, may or may not have been able to relieve themselves in a pail, and showers consisted of a guard spraying down the cell with a hose once a week. The sign continued that the purpose of this "shower" was not to allow the prisoner to bathe, but rather to clean the cell, which tended to stink too much if this procedure was not performed. Some of the individual cells were made of brick, some of wood. Tuol Sleng at one point had been a high school, so these walls separating cells had been added later by the KR. As a result, some prisoners had no light or ventilation in their cells, except for the small amount able to filter in from the six inches or so left between the walls and the ceiling.  The floor above the cells had two museum exhibits.  One told the history of the Khmer Rouge, from Pre-Takeover to the body counts as of 2005.  The second had some stories of how various KR underlings went from leading a village or small group or a province to being held in Tuol Sleng.  These stories were all told by surviving relatives and the "biographies" they were forced to write as part of their confessions and torture in the prison. They had such high ideals; thought they were fighting for something good and noble.  I can only imagine the horror and disappointment they must have felt. 

The last building - D - had three floors.  The top floor was a viewing room for a documentary about S-21.  To be honest, I was too busy trying to not pass out from heat and stuffiness to remember much of the movie. The bottom floor had a photo exhibit put together by the museum and a Dutch (? - Western European anyway) journalist who visited Cambodia during the KR - one of the few Westerners allowed into the country after the takeover.  He said he put together this exhibit as a way to show what he and his colleagues had seen, what they had wanted to see, and what he now believed about what they were shown.  This group of journalists became western members of the Khmer Rouge's "propaganda machine" after this visit.  The one interviewed for this project said they were all Marxists and members of the local Socialist party.  They went into the visit with the idea that the KR represented a more perfect Maoist revolution.  And that was what they saw.  Everything that should have raised questions - where are the "new people", how much of this is staged, why are so many children working in factories, etc. - became a short-term imperfection that the KR planned to correct once the economy rebounded. The exhibit was bookended with comments from the journalist, which expressed his deep sorrow and disillusionment that have entered his life as a result of this visit and the truth of the KR.  I didn't visit the second floor.  I had had enough prison. 

The next week we all took a day or two to visit the International Tribunal that is currently prosecuting or conducting pre-trial chambers for five of the former KR leaders.  The first two days (the two I went to) were the beginning of the trial for the man who ran the S-21 prison - Duch.  Being at the tribunal was fascinating.  There was so much procedural hoopla that went on.  

... I'm going to need to finish this another day.  The hotel here in Siem Reap (where Angkor Wat is located!! Stoked!) seems to be wanting to shut down the internet and lobby for the night. 

To be continued...

Phnom Penh

Made it safely into Phnom Penh on Friday (3/27) around noon.  It was deliciously warm and not humid.  After being here for a couple of days, though, the heat is not as delicious... more borderline oppressive.  Definitely at least Sukhothai hot - the drip-from-walking-outside kind. But once you stop dripping, you dry; so still better than 'Nam.  

Friday we just bummed around the hotel and a few block radius.  Our hotel has a pretty kick ass location.  We're right across from the Tonle Sap river; on the block to the left of our hotel are a bunch of seedy bars and clubs; to the right, fantastic restaurants, a glorious internet cafe, and more classy bars; a block back is a fruit market where we can get 8 mangos for $2 or less, a bunch of bananas for $1 or less, a kilo of oranges for under $1; and we're within walking distance of the Palace, an antiquities museum and the school we're teaching at. Gotta love it. Only downside, it's a tourist area, so it's full of people (many of them children) begging and hawking, making each walk down the street a bit wrenching. If I were more financially on top of my game I would buy some bags of crackers or keep change in my pocket for the kids... but I'm not and need to concentrate on leaving Asia with some change of my own. 

On Saturday (3/28) we visited the Antiquities Museum in the morning/afternoon and went to teach english in the evening. The Museum is housed in a building built by the French when Cambodia was part of French Indochina. It is filled with items recovered from Angkor Wat and other historical sites around the country.  They are classified into three main periods: Pre-Angkorean (all Hindu), Angkor Period (mix of Hindu and Buddhist), and Post-Angkorean (all Buddhist). I'm having a hard time classifying the form of Buddhism practiced in Cambodia.  The monks dress like Thailand's monks, but some aspects of it remind me much more of Vietnamese Buddhism - such as the prominence of extra deities, like "the Buddhist Triad".  This probably is just a facet of adapting Buddhism to the long-standing tradition of Hinduism (with the Brahma, Vishnu, Shiva triad), but I still find it interesting that some countries, like Vietnam and Cambodia, require more adaptation than others, like Thailand. 

While we were at the museum, Emily made up a hydration drinking game.  She had to drink water every time the plaque said "unknown" for some part of the description.  The favorite instance was a tray of some sort, that was of "unknown" origin, period, and function.  No one is even really sure why it's in the museum.  :P

My favorite items (because they had the most information given about them) were the "installation stelae." These are essentially tombstone shaped slabs of rock that bear an inscription telling about when some large gift was given to a temple or dedicated to a god.  They start with the date (down to the hour) in Sanskrit and then had lengthy descriptions of land, slaves, food, etc. donated in Khmer.  One of these had a large base on it, and according to the plaque, the inscription said something like "In the year such-and-such, when so-and-so had lost all of his teeth, he installed this shrine and dedicated the following gifts to some god." And, So-and-so had originally sealed his teeth into the base of the stele, but the plugs had been subsequently lost and the teeth gone missing. I just thought that was so interesting.  He sealed his teeth in the stele! Wow! I just can't imagine wanting to do that. 

That evening, we had our first day of teaching.  While in Cambodia we are teaching two different groups of English students - an older, more advanced group on Saturday and Sunday evenings, and a younger, beginner level group on weekdays over the lunch hour. Since it was Saturday, we started this teaching stint with the older students (16-20 years old). We teach them at an art school where they normally learn dance and music. I spent most of the night working with a boy named Visah who learns dance and drums. He's very smiley and nervous about his English.  He doesn't have as good of a vocabulary as he wishes.  There were a few times when we were chatting that I could tell he understood my question but couldn't think of the words to answer, and unlike when that would happen to me in Spanish class, I don't speak Khmer and thus can't do anything to help him out.  Overall, though the class seems to go really well, and the group of us english students can see our Cambodian kids improving even in two class periods. And our class tripled in size from the five we started with on Saturday to the 15 we had on Sunday.  Pretty sweet. 

Today, Sunday, was far less fun and games, with our main activity of the day being a visit to Tuol Sleng Prison. During the time the Khmer Rouge was in power (from 1975-1979) there were 20,000 inmates at Tuol Sleng, or S-21 as the KR called it, and only some 7-12 people left the prison alive. The images of what people did to each other were heart-wrenching.  I'm infinitely glad for the fairly extensive reading I had done on the KR before we actually went to the prison; it wasn't quite as shocking as it would otherwise have been.  

One thing that I hadn't really thought about before was the more spiritual ramifications of mass murder and genocide. One of the exhibits was a photo exhibit where the photographer had used varying light and reflections to give the mug shots of prisoners another look.  He wrote a bit about the goals and meaning of his photos, which was posted in the exhibit.  One thing he wrote that stuck with me was that according to Cambodian religious belief, if a person is not properly cared for after death (has a funeral service and is cremated, if Buddhist, or buried) their soul is not able to pass on to be reborn, but is instead stuck as a ghost.  This has to be the most frightening thing for someone who bases their beliefs and worldview on the idea of being reborn over and over again.  Getting stuck.  Rather than being reborn and working out your merit and heading towards eventual nirvana, you're stuck, as though you never fully died.  Imagine the grief of loved ones who know their loved ones are stuck. I didn't really comprehend that horror until today, because my world has been formed by the idea that when we die, we go to a better place and that's it.  You don't necessarily need a specific type of funeral; that's often more important for those left behind. But not for these people. And I have no idea of how to fix it; and nor do the Cambodians it seems.

We're here at a rather precipitous moment.  After 30 years, the international tribunal for high-level KR officials has finally begun in Phnom Penh, and they are currently opening the trial for Duch, the man who ran Tuol Sleng and the other S-21 facilities. I'm crossing my fingers for a conviction before we leave.  I only wish Pol Pot were still alive to stand trial. And I hope that we, humanity, learn from our past. 

"May your wisdom be as wide as the ocean."

- my prayer painting... thing...

Today was our last day in Vietnam.  We taxied to the University and met with our professors there before setting out to visit a couple of pagodas.  The first was sort of like the Doi Sutep of the Hanoi area, with the temple complex being the largest and highest in the area.  No elephants expiring on the site though.  Bummer.  Ian, Patricia and I got harassed for not purchasing snacks at one of the auxilliary temples.  Vietnamese Buddhism could use a Jesus-in-the-temple figure; just about everyone we've visited has had a bunch of vendor stalls near, if not inside, it.

The second pagoda we visited was much smaller, but we spent our entire visit with the abbott, who was fantastic.  They made us a vegetarian meal for lunch.  Most were very surprised because it was the best meal we had in Vietnam.  No joke. After lunch we had question and answer time with the Abbott.  This was so amazing, despite the copious amounts of translating (interpreting) that had to occur.  We had been to monk chats and such in Thailand, and spoke with many Thai people (who have a better handle on their Buddhism than Vietnamese, since VN Buddhism really combines a bunch of other practices for most people), but this was the first time we were able to ask our questions to a learned monk, who had dedicated his life to learning about and practicing Buddhism.  In Vietnam they practice a form of Mahayana Buddhism, versus the Theravada Buddhism practiced in Thailand.  While Mahayana swears off meat entirely (and not really in VN...), where they are allowed to eat meat given certain requirements are met in Theravada Buddhism, in all other manners, Mahayana seems to be less strict than Theravada Buddhism.  For example, in Thailand, monks could not take or give something directly from or to a woman.  This is not the case in Vietnam or apparently Mahayana Buddhism in general. In the same vein, while in Thailand novice monks can participate in monk chats and just talk with people about Buddhism, fully ordained monks cannot - it's seen as fun or frivolous. So this was the first time we had been able to talk with a monk who was fully versed in Buddhist belief and teaching.  I'm not certain about others, but I definitely got clearer answers to some of my questions about Buddhism today. 

After Q & A, the Abbott made us prayer scroll things.  These are a Chinese influence, I believe, but basically they are a sort of prayer or blessing written for each individual in traditional Vietnamese characters.  Each has a main character or message in the center in large characters, and a secondary message or explanation on the right in smaller characters.  On the left, the monk who writes it signs his name.  Then a buddha image gets stamped at the very top. My prayer reads:

"May your wisdom be as wide as the sea.

May you teach your students with unending enthusiasm."

Each of the Vietnamese people translated the characters a little differently, so I feel the exact translation is a little loose or cloudy, but this pieces together my favorite translations. I can't wait to get it back home and framed and hung somewhere. :)

I also keep finding the most adorable puppies in Vietnam that I want to bring home to North Carolina with me.  But that's still a ways off in the future, and I would have a hard time sneaking one through customs. 

Leaving bright and early (5 a.m.) tomorrow for Cambodia!

Three weeks of reflections

- compiled from postcards, emails, facebook messages, and journal entries, with some new text added.

3/13

"Right now I'm 'teaching' English at a university in Hanoi, Vietnam.  I am so impressed with the students here - so curious and fun!" Many of them also speak English extremely well for first year students.  They ask us questions about culture and life in the U.S. that no one in a first-year language class at home would be able to ask visitors from another country.  I know I would have a hard time asking those sorts of questions to a Spaniard in Spanish.  

The first two days we visited English classes (3/11 and 3/12), I taught with Ajaan Bob, mostly because I had very little to no voice to work with.  Talking with others from our group this was probably lucky for me, because then even if the Vietnamese students were shy and not asking questions, Bob usually was able to come up with some topic of discussion to keep the class moving and busy for the whole 2 hours. There was one folktale about a woman named Gio that was particularly helpful in this regard.  Over the course of a few days I was able to piece together some basics of the story: Gio decides to leave her true love and marry a "bad man" in order to save her family from some kind of financial trouble. Once with the bad man, many other bad things happen to Gio.  Later when her husband dies and Gio returns home to her family, she allows her true love to remain married to her sister, and also forbids someone from killing all of her enemies, deciding it is better instead to let them live, even if it risks them being evil to her again.  Basically, Gio represents the ideal woman of feudal Vietnamese society. 

Using these plot points as a basis, Bob would ask the students at what age they wanted to get married, if they would be like Gio and marry the bad man to save their family, if they would let their BF marry their sister, if they would allow their enemies to live.  It was interesting to see what answers they gave.  Many of the students wanted to marry younger than I think most U.S. students would answer.  Almost all of them said 26 or younger and 28 was definitely too old to be unmarried. 

3/14 - 3/15: Weekend in Ha Long Bay on a Junk Boat

The bay was gorgeous.  The rock formations were so majestic.  We tried to go swimming at one point, but the water was so cold!  We didn't last very long - only 20-30 minutes probably.  I also went searching for seashells, and almost missed the boat afterwards. 

All 12 of us watched the sunset together on the top deck of our boat.  It got very cold before the sun even set.  I had not brought anything at all warm enough.  One of the boat crew members came around to give the ladies manicures for five dollars.  I'm still chipping the peppermint pink polish off a little more each day. 

That evening, Emily and I had a long and interesting conversation about life, school, religion, being abroad - the life, universe and everything, essentially. It was really nice and a lot better than getting trashed, which had been the original plan.  I spent a lot of time trying to explain my understanding of free will and humanity's relationship with God... And I realized just how much Star Trek had influenced my life.  Initially this gave me pause, but then I got over it.  I was not at first successful in conveying my beliefs, but the next day I wrote them out.  Emily seemed to think it made more sense then, even if she still didn't agree.  If there is interest, I'll post them here. 

3/18

"Been in Vietnam for just over a week now. Living with 2 people in relationships... Listening to a lot of one-sided skype conversations these days.  'Teaching' English at VNU's College of Foreign Languages has been stellar, though, and now that I'm more used to the crazy intense traffic, Hanoi is a lot more fun.  I've never seen so many people in one place before." 

"I have never seen a city so full of people, traffic and activity before.  I'm really enjoying the field trips we take for class and chatting with the English students here." 

3/20: On the train from Hanoi to Sapa

"Vietnam is still a mixed bag.  I'm having a blast and learning a lot, but I'm about the only one, so I also listen to a lot of bitching, which is difficult. We've also had some drama - A-- and B-- got into a huge fight about something and are no longer rooming together.  C-- is secretly fighting with D-- who is being a bitch to E--.  F-- got very mad at G-- about a week ago, and put us all on eggshells for a bit.  They seem to be getting along better now though, which is helpful.  F-- is no fun when angry and grudgy. And my Momma Bear is kicking in so I'm getting very ready to kick some ass over all of the hurt feelings.  Oy. 

Today two people also skipped everything on our schedule.  While everyone was so pissed, it may have also been good-ish; I feel like some pressure has been let out.  There is a lot of laugher occurring on the train right now, and it would take a bit more for Momma Bear to lash out this evening, compared to yesterday."

3/22: On the train from Sapa to Hanoi

"Due to HBO, Cinemax and AXN I have watched more TV while in Vietnam than I ever think I have before.  It's weird. I've started to miss it every time it's unavailable.  Gonna have to kick that habit."

3/24

"...Universal frustration towards H-- is the one thing holding us together at this point. Looking forward to reuniting with I-- in Cambodia on Friday."  Went to see the Temple of Literature, which was the first University in Vietnam on Monday (3/23).  It was a gorgeous place to visit, but not many things were translated into English; I would have gotten more out of the experience if I read Vietnamese I think.  I did learn that there are 4 holy animals - Tortoise, Phoenix, Dragon, Unicorn - in Vietnam.  Interesting that only one is real.  

"Vietnam has been a bit of a whirlwind, since we're only here for three weeks.  It's busy, and like another world," separate from the one I normally live in. It's a world where people are not critical of authority, personal space is only mildly observed, motorbikes rule the world, and Tradition is prized over, or at least equally with, Progress.

"I'm excited to head for Cambodia later this week; time to escape Vietnamese humidity," even if all I trade it for is Cambodian heat.