Long Time Coming

Keeping up a blog is more difficult than I thought while teaching. Sorry y'all.

Finished Institute in Chicago at the end of July. I loved my Institute experience. I made some great strides with planning and execution. I had fantastic conversations with parents and families. One time I actually felt a little disingenuous - a grandmother that I called was basically asking my advice about switching her granddaughter back into CPS and thought she just might because I had called her, and no one from the charter school her granddaughter currently attended had ever called home. I just hope that whatever she decided, Monesha is learning and reaching her goal of becoming a pediatric nurse.

Here are a few more reflections from the summer and earlier this school year:

Thurs. June 25th, 2009

Yesterday, we had our first corps members (not from ENC, but from other corps here training in Chicago) quit and leave institute. I can’t imagine doing it, but I can understand on some level. It has been a very long time since I felt this unskilled and unprepared.

I have never been this tired - and that includes all those all-nighters at Coe. I feel this is on some level due to the heat; like most midwest schools, CPS doesn’t have A/C in most areas of their buildings and we’ve had heat indices over 90 degrees all week. It seems like each person I talk with is experiencing at least some of the symptoms of moderate dehydration (dizzy, swollen ankles and feet, tired, headaches). Collaborative planning sessions sometimes get snippy, but I think everyone is working to make the best of it. And we definitely know what our students are going through - trying to learn in that sweltering environment. That being said we also know it can be done. I have learned so much this week.

My first lesson plans were due today. I’m not sure how I feel about the second one (comparing European and Japanese feudalism), but the first one (on Charlemagne) is pretty solid and I have a much better idea of what to say for that lesson. I think the second one will be more interesting, simply because the activities are more varied, but I did not evaluate the lesson as much as I should have. I’m expecting my CMA to tear that one apart.

Despite the heat, I actually get a lot of work done at school and less done in my air-conditioned room. Part of it is my desk at home is a mess, always, and our classroom is neat, if uncomfortable. There are also not distractions, like blogging.

Working out a classroom management plan with my teaching collaborative group (collab) has been more frustrating than I would have expected. We don’t have the problem of disparate visions, but instead we are finding ourselves getting stuck between wanting to practice setting up a full plan, but also realizing we are entering into a school system already in progress and that our students are going to almost entirely change over in two weeks. Thinking about it now, on my own, away from the school, I feel TFA would want me to just plan and implement as though it were the first day of this class, so I think that is what I will suggest we do, but I do feel a little bad for the kids, who will then be asked to re-learn their classroom management rules, policies and procedures. This would be so much easier if it were two weeks later and we just did the whole second “semester” instead of half of each semester. Oh well. We’ll make it work. That is one thing I think I will be very good at once institute is over - taking what I am given and running with it, no matter what. I’ve heard myself say “we’ll make it work” a lot recently.

Jill’s wedding this weekend. I’m feeling wicked guilty for skipping out on my collab’s last day of in-school prep before we go into the classroom.

I should get back to figuring out how to teach about the effect of the crusades.

Teacher moment: This is the cornerstone of my collab’s management plan:

“What we need to learn

W-ork relentlessly

O-wn your actions

R-espect our classroom

L-earn from every opportunity

D-ecide to succeed

History”

It will look better color coded on a poster in my classroom, I’m sure.

Sunday, June 28th, 2009

I had a fabulous weekend in Waterloo and other points around IA this weekend. Went to a wedding, saw a large part of my sorority family and other friends, had lunch with boy I like, bought new jeans for cheap and an fm transmitter for my iPod in the car - no more headphones while driving!!

Then I got back to Chicago and Institute smacked me in the face. Sounds about right.

Got my first three lesson plans back and I need to change most of them. The first one (which I thought was decent, and I spent the most time on) is the WORST. Basically everything is wrong. I knew some things (like my use of the word “bastion”) were going to be problematic (not student friendly) but other things I think are silly. Why can’t I use fill-in-the-blank questions on my assessments? Yeah, they take more time to grade, but it’s one of the few ways I don’t feel like I’m feeding my students the answers. If everything is multiple choice, how will I actually know (based on a three to five question quiz) that my students understand? My quizzes were harder in middle school than the ones my CMA want’s me to write for my 11th and 12th graders. I’m trying to figure out how much of this I need to really internalize and how much is just advice. And then even if it is just advice, am I committed to making my own mistakes. Outside of the assessments, I think I’ve gotten really constructive/helpful and necessary feedback though. The line between meeting our achievement goal and challenging my students is bothering me though. I feel like I would be teaching summer school at my old high school very differently than I am here - as in it’s a lot easier here than at my private school. And that is NOT okay. It’s actually antithetical to the reason why TFA exists and why I’m here. So I need to find what is causing this disconnect and fix it - fast. Time to write my transition team leaders (TTLs, back in ENC - 2008 corps members who are helping to support us as we move and start teaching) and vent and brainstorm I think.

Transitioning is hard work. I do not envy the other women (and men I suppose, I just don’t see them as often) here who are trying to work out moving and distance and such with significant others. I came back today and saw three of my friends from ENC living on my floor teary-eyed or angry because of boyfriends. No fun. Not only do I not envy them those life-chats, I also can’t imagine trying to find time to talk to someone for hours each day. It’s hard enough to write someone an email, journal or workout, and lesson plan on our schedule. I don’t really want to have to find time for an hour or two on the phone each night too. Although if I could, I suppose I would have time to write more. Or read. Or just keep lesson planning, since I apparently need the work.

Accomplishments this weekend: Left town with everything ready to come home to (minus laundry), so I wasn’t totally stressed out on the drive or when I got here. Also I didn’t get lost AT ALL this weekend. That was a pretty huge accomplishment.

Things I hope to get better at: (other than lesson planning) STAYING POSITIVE. I like to complain about a lot of things, especially when I first get home, but things are definitely not all bad: my CMA is helpful; I get along with my collab; I don’t have to leave for school at 6:40; my school site team is fab (when they’re not being mildly clueless, which is to be expected since it’s the first year here). Things are good. Keep smiling.

Sunday July 19th, 2009

Institute has been quite the roller coaster. Some days I come home on top of the world and others I’m ready to punch people, scream, or quit.

I don't remember the impetus for this last thought. Probably had something to do with lesson plans or fighting with my collab. Team teaching was an interesting experience. Some days it was a great experience, other days we couldn't agree on anything, undermined others' dicipline. Having my own classroom is lovely. Decorating is so much fun.

Crests and Valleys, Biking, Excitement

Saturday, June 13th, 2009

All month I had been waiting for the weight of my move to hit me. I thought perhaps I got lucky and the only stress I was going to feel was while packing - concerned that I didn’t have the right amount of business attire for teaching this summer. I should have realized this was me we’re talking about - rearranging furniture is about the only change I handle well; moving across the country was not going to go smoothly.

Then came Maryland: Mountain crests = emotional crests - each higher and more dramatic than the last; each downward slope not only was an exciting sight, or a falling lurch in my stomach but a horrible twist as I felt each hill further separating me from my home and the people I love. It is one thing to leave for a semester with a set and terminable amount of time until I return home and am reunited with familiar places and people. It is something completely different to drive away when I have no sense or guarantee of when I will next see those I leave behind.

There is also a feeling of unease or a sense of danger driving through twists and hills for someone so firmly rooted in the flatlands of the midwest. I can never see very far in front of me because the road will wend around a turn or over a crest, and lets be honest, a mountain makes a better door than window. I also often find myself separated from the sister highway traveling back the other direction, adding to the sense of permanence and isolation.

And driving habits are different on mountainsides. I learned to prize myself on my ability to regulate my speed, either through use of cruise control or listening to my vehicle or observing the gage. In my neck of the woods we hate adjusting the cruise or being stuck on the same stretch of highway with someone who can’t decide what speed they are going to drive. When you are forever going up hills and down troughs though, regulating speed kind of goes out the window, apparently. You shoot for the speed limit on the straightaways and are a little below on the uphills, and a little above on the downhills. I have never had so much difficulty with other drivers and deciding where to place myself around them as I did today.

All this amounted to crying through the first hundred miles of Maryland and gripping the wheel white-knuckled and clench-shouldered the rest of the drive.

What the universe reminded me today: Other than needing to occasionally deal with sh** days, always remember to eat. I was so busy being stressed out, that I forgot to eat lunch, which only compounded an already bad situation.

What I am thankful for: Having a friend in my life who will answer her phone, remind me to breathe, deal with my (loving) verbal abuse (read teasing), and keep talking to me until my hands stop shaking and I am able to laugh; and my family being large and spread across the country so at least I’m always heading for someplace familiar and loving at the end of the day.

Sunday, June 14th, 2009

I am currently exhausted. My uncle decided that just chilling at home today was not okay, so we went biking around the capital. Sometimes I should probably say no to things, rather than just avoid making waves. In all honesty, though, I feel fabulous. Sore, but fabulous. Check with me tomorrow.

Along with biking around the Mall, I did a lot of writing today. Wrote an essay. Wrote a letter. Took two showers. Tried a new beer. Ate the biggest bowl of ice cream I’ve eaten in years. Stuff like that.

I want a huge dog. A dog-bear, like my family has here. Corky is fantastic.

What I hope to replicate: My aunt and uncle are in AMAZING shape. Uncle runs with the dog, four miles, every morning. Neither of them looks their age. I want to do that. I need to start working on it. Sometimes I feel like my body is already 30 or 40 and that makes me really, really sad.

OMG!!!! Tomorrow I join my corps!!!

Driving in the rain, dreaming and prepwork

Thursday, June 11th, 2009

Today it rained the whole day. And it poured to the point of white-outs most of the way through Ohio. But interspersed throughout the day were moments of dominant beauty - watching clouds billow along the Indiana skyline, snippets of sun-streaked clouds between downpours, wearing my sunglasses for over six hours, despite the rain.

What the universe reminded me today: Two things - 1. Always be grateful for what you have. Don’t complain about being parked on the freeway. At least parked there you are not one of the five vehicles involved in the accident further up the roadway. - 2. All things in moderation. Taste the salad before you dump on three extra scoops of dressing, or add the extra one scoop at a time.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Last night I dreamed I was staying in/moving into an apartment habited by the strangest assortment of friends and acquaintances from high school and college. Then I woke fully and realized there were six people running around the apartment, yelling, talking and completely ignoring the fact I was sleeping on the couch (not to mention three other roommates were fast asleep in their not soundproof rooms). The fourth roommate had finally appeared with her family and fiancee for final preparations before attending master’s graduation this morning. While disorienting, it did explain why one past acquaintance had appeared in my dream - he kind of looks and sounds like the fiancee. Doppelgangers - Story of my stay at OSU. I’ve encountered at least three. I’m sure if you see them side-by-side they are not actually doppelgangers, but right now - separated - they’re decent matches.

I spent much of this tired and dreary day working on TFA prep. At this point in my pre-reading I have moved on from the importance of setting big goals to following through on big goals; from recognizing the role(s) of diversity in the work I will soon be doing to concrete ways to counteract negative messages and stereotypes my students will be inundated with daily. I’m still nervous about having conversations about race with my students, but I feel that I have more tools in my arsenal to utilize when having these conversations. I also further recognize the unique opportunity I have as a social studies/history teacher to help students develop a positive racial identity. In my discipline, more than (or at least to the same extent as) any other discipline, have racial minorities been left out. So much of the role played by African Americans, Native Americans, Mexican Americans, and others has been left out of history curriculums. Study of ancient North American societies does not occur. Study of current Native societies doesn’t occur, for that matter. Not only were Africans enslaved during the colonial era, they are still enslaved by modern history curriculums - in the sense that we hardly ever teach students about the ways these men and women found ways to retake, regain and retain their agency. We only teach about how they were demeaned, not how they were strong. I have an exciting opportunity to teach my students - who will mostly be students of color - about the ways these minorities are strong and worked intelligently against their oppression all throughout U.S. history; about the movements within the dominant white community to respect and enfranchise minorities. Rather than only having George Washington and John Hancock and Benjamin Franklin be the only heros of the American Revolution, I have an opportunity to show my students that the heros of the Revolution, or the Civil War, the Abolitionist Movement, of westward expansion also looked like them. Wow.

I need books. Lots of them. I know nothing about most of the things I will need to teach, and I’m sure not gonna find them in the textbook. I’m looking for the George Washington Carvers, Cesar Chavezes, Alice Pauls, (Insert Chief or LC guide here)s, Sojourner Truths, (Asian??) of every time period. I will learn about my students and not only will I tailor to their interests, but I will fine-tune to their heritage as well. They will see themselves in American History, or the U.S. Government. It’s gonna happen.

While not reading, I hung out with J and her friends here. I really like some of them and wish I could stay here with them, rather than move on to more new people. J’s friend across the hall, A., and her boyfriend, B., threw J. and another friend, also J., a going away party since they leave tomorrow for a trip to Botswana. Cook-out = awesome. People should grill more often in my life.

I also spent a fair amount of time with one of J.’s roommates, S., from Jamaica. S. is studying chemical engineering and tests next week to gain acceptance to the Ph.D. program here. We studied and watched CNN together. Being from Jamaica, S. didn’t really understand all the hoopla surrounding Obama’s healthcare plan, which was the big topic on CNN over the lunch hour. She had me explain public vs. private healthcare and insurance, and described her hellish day trying to get medical attention at the clinic on campus - “So much paperwork! Jesus! I’m vomiting, just let me see the doctor!” - as an example of what is wrong with healthcare in the U.S. When I asked her to reciprocate and tell me about healthcare in Jamaica she said it wasn’t much better, but you can at least see the doctor without filling out hours of paperwork when you need to.

What I hope to replicate: J. managed to find a (somewhat) affordable apartment that came fully furnished, and with a workout room, patio, grill, pool, and lounge. It’s a pretty sweet deal.

What I never want to hear myself say: B. (the boyfriend) and a few of the other grad students mentioned that they are BSing their way through grad school. I would be so thrilled to never hear that phrase come out of my mouth ever again.

Ms. Calluna takes on teaching

Tues. June 9th 2009

I've been getting many requests to continue my blog, even though I am no longer in Asia and (soon) will no longer be ambulating about the countryside. Because of these two drastic changes, I initially wasn't going to continue this blog after returning to the states, but to be honest I miss it and apparently some other people do too. And for the next couple of months, I'm still not tied down to any one place, even though I am working towards a more specific end than "experiencing Southeast Asia."

Back in January, during my first days in Chiang Mai, I was accepted into the U.S.'s Teach for America program. This program is a branch of Americorps, which many people call "the stateside Peace Corps. While Americorps is a one-year renewable experience working with a wide variety of non-profit and volunteer organizations, Teach for America is a two-year committment for corps members, all of whom are recent college graduates who agree to teach in an underperforming and underserved school district. Corps member teachers' larger purpose is to combat the educational achievement gap that exists in the United States. Each year, we engage in "big goal setting" with our students and their families. Most of our students are performing below (some very below) grade level proficiencies in math, reading and other content knowledge areas. This is a HUGE problem since a solid education is vital to college admissions, job prospects, and other aspects of a person's life. Lacking basic literacy skills drastically circumscribes an individual's opportunities and options.

The children I will teach are bright, creative, vibrant individuals. Due to where they live however, the educational system has failed them. Some will probably believe they are stupid and cannot succeed in school. This is not true, and it will be my (and my fellow corps members') job to help them unlearn this personal belief and help them prove to themselves and others, through making great educational strides during the year, that they are the brilliant individuals I know them to be.

I'm so stoked.

And scared pantsless.

So, tomorrow, I depart my beloved home state - Land of 10,000 Lakes - and head for the Atlantic Coast - Tar Heel territory to be exact. I'm taking some time to visit friends and family as I drive out and I will do my best to find breaks in training to write updates on what I'm doing to prepare for the fall and provide reflections on my experience as a new teacher, in a new region of the country.

Wed. June 10th 2009

Today I said final goodbyes to family and set out for Madison, WI - the first stop on my journey east. Wisconsin was uneventful. I did make the same mistake that I made traveling to the Dells two summers ago, though. See, you take I-94 out of the twin cities and it counts up from zero at the border. I needed to take exit 92. All of a sudden, I hit exit 98, and I’m kicking myself for missing the exit. So, I get at exit 102 and turn around. While doing so, I’m marveling at how quickly the state went by. But then I realize I am much further from Madison than I should be... And all the advertisement distances do not add up to mile 92. Hmm... Flipping backwards through the AAA Trip-Tik confirms my suspicions - Yes, I need to take I-90’s exit 92, not I-94. Never do directions mention that the two meet and when they do, the mile markers transfer to I-90 rather than 94. Since you do nothing to get on 90, and it is technically still 94, both Google (two years ago) and AAA (today) told me to follow I-94 to exit 92. Thanks guys. Very helpful. This particular exit/problem has now cost me almost an hour of my life.

In Madison, I’m staying with two friends, sorority sisters. They have what amounts to a starter home as an apartment - 3 bedroom, 2 bath condo. And they’ve been complaining about rent. Really? I suppose it probably seemed cheaper and more worth the money when they first leased it two years ago, when the economy was strong, versus today, when everything is expensive. I will be lucky to call such a nice apartment home.

The three of us and a boyfriend went out to eat with another sister and her fiancee at a place called Cheeseburger in Paradise. We (after much pointless head-scratching) decided to go there because of the sweet potato chips that you can get as a side. Duh-licious. Good call M!

Over dinner and throughout the night we talked about the work each is doing now, either two or three years out from undergrad. All three were science majors in college - a path I nearly pursued. One is in her second year of graduate school, after first doing a year-long internship at the National Institutes of Health. In grad school she’s studying the meningitis bacteria (which is apparently closely related to the gonorrhea bacteria - the main interest of her lab’s research), and even though finals are over, she still has a huge project due in a few weeks. K. said it’s their last chance to kick her out of grad school, so it’s kind of a big deal and involves writing a grant proposal and defending the project to a five-person faculty committee. I told her it sounds kind of like the undergrad theses students do at our school, but a much bigger deal. And mandatory.

M runs experiments (or protocols) for a pharmaceutical company. She’s been able to advance very quickly (from a “1” to a “3” in half the time as her boss and former trainer) and loves the work she’s doing. And, really, who wouldn’t love to get paid for spending time with chimps? I think it was M who also at one point had been doing some work related to the herpes virus... or maybe she just said she had an enlarged and stuffed facsimile of “the herp.” (K. has one of gonorrhea - and she gave them to family members at christmas. Sorry you’re missing out fam.)

S. is also in the pharmaceutical field, but not with a drug company. Instead she is working to reproduce human tissues for testing. Apparently you can manufacture stem cells from skin cells, and then use those stem cells to make other cells. It’s a wickedly difficult process and her team is working to find the happy medium between number of cells produced and the number that actually function as the type of cell (heart, skin, kidney, etc) that they’re supposed to be (growth-purity ratio). It’s a lot of running the procedure over and over and trying to be more exact with cell feedings and other lab techniques each time to have more functional cells. The goal is for drug manufacturers to be able to better test for and neutralize some of the unwanted effects of medications (such as - and I’m making this example up - a drug to cure acid reflux somehow damaging the heart muscle over time... something like that - keeping side effects from happening).

Back at the apartment we watched Transformers and played with the dog, Benny. He (the dog) really didn’t take to me. Every time I moved to a new part of the house he seemed to forget who I was and that he had already met me and been told I was safe. Essentially, this amounted to a lot of barking, which is no big deal, but it really flustered M, who had never seen him act like this before.

What I learned about the real world: The hours suck. There isn’t as much down time as you think you’ll have when you are slugging through all-nighters in college. It’s early mornings and working weekends and holidays. Yes, your evenings may be more free, but be prepared to have your only desire to be sitting on the couch or crawling into your bed. And I’ll still have to grade. Woo hoo.

What I’m resolving to do differently: I’m resolving two things - 1. Live within my means, starting with a cheap (read small?) apartment. I don’t want to be unable to save or have a night out once in a while because my rent is too high. - 2. Schedule fun nights. This is like scheduling “me” time, but with friends. I don’t want to find myself living in the same town as friends and never seeing them. It would drive me crazy. Even if it’s pizza and wine at someone’s apartment, or with my roommate and their significant other - one night a month, I’m spending with friends not working, having fun.